I emailed my bridesmaids a quick check in because I needed numbers for hair and makeup and one of them wrote back, “You’re so on top of planning!” and I actually started laughing aloud all by myself. I remember when I was a senior in high school and the go-to question was: where are you going to school next year? Now, since the engagement, the question is most definitely, “How is the wedding planning going?”
No one ever asks C this. But that’s another post.
I have a different answer every time. Or rather, I have a different answer every time but I don’t always share that answer. Because a lot of my angst comes from how expensive everything is just because it is for a wedding. If this was just a party, the food, the drinks, the music, everything would not have, what I call, the wedding surcharge. And speaking of this budget angst, am I really going to complain when people have been very generous to me? And furthermore, I refuse to complain about wedding planning because the truth is C and I decided to get married. We also decided not to elope and have a wedding instead. We also get to plan a wedding. Like, what? Am I supposed to complain that I found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with?
And yet, I do not love wedding planning (I think I would love it more if it wasn’t my wedding). It isn’t my forte to organize something like this. I am not good at numbers so being in charge of budgets hurts my head. Logistics aren’t my forte. And I am not good at getting out of my own way and being objective about an event I am partly in charge of. But I am trying to be good at these things. I am trying not to complain. And to be very honest with you, I think most people who know me well would say I’ve been a lot more low key than expected. I know I expected me to be a lot more high strung than I am.
Basically, I approach one thing at a time and just try to cross it off the list. Sometimes it goes smoothly and sometimes it doesn’t. So far, I’ve had two real panicky moments which I am going to mark as a win. What does feel weird is writing these checks for a day in March. I just want to fast forward the next six months and be walking down the aisle toward C.
If anyone has any tips for planning a wedding, I will take them.
Reading:The Body Keeps the Score (an amazing book that is about trauma therapy…it’s fascinating and helpful but fair warning, there might be triggering things inside of it..I’ve been working slowly through it so it’s not too much).
Love & Respect (Carl and I are reading this together or trying to–HA! So far it’s good. I will say it relies heavily on gender stereotypes and sometimes I have an issue with something he writes but the overall concepts are helpful).
Hunger (Roxane Gay is phenomenal and this is an amazing book. It literally has taken my breath away at times.)
As you can see, I am in desperate need of fiction! I don’t think I have gone this long in my entire life without reading fiction so, seriously, I would love some recommendations. I need a gooood story, several in fact.
Buying: Nada. Or rather, not much. I am on a hardcore budget as we go through this financial class. I did buy a possible dress at the Nordstrom’s sale to wear to my cousin’s wedding and C’s cousin’s wedding (where he is standing up).
I also did buy some new skincare products. I’m with holding my thoughts on all the stuff until some time has gone by but if it works, I’ll tell you all about it. I have this fantasy of just magically glowing from my skin. We will see if we can achieve that.
Planning: …a wedding. It’s not my natural forte to do something like this but I am trying to take this one day at a time. I’m writing a post about it soon. Hopefully this week. Actually, hopefully, I write it after I finish this and schedule it for this week.
I’ve been trying to implement more protein into my diet just to feel stronger but it’s hard to do on the go! Anyone who knows me, knows I love Greek yogurt. And it may be one of my fave places to get protein. But it’s not always to easy to bring a spoon and bowl wherever I go. That’s why when C saw these Dannon® Oikos® Nonfat Yogurt Drink 4 packs at Walmart, he picked them up for me. It was so sweet of him because, first of all, I was sick at the time, and secondly, things have been so busy lately with wedding planning.
Since he has summers off, we are trying to get as much done as possible now. And these are great because they combine a lot of the things I love in food right now: easy to grab, protein, oh yeah, and my go to fave, Greek yogurt! I’m so glad he picked these up at Walmart and I’ll definitely be going back for more.
C tried the Dannon® Light & Fit® Nonfat Yogurt Drink 4 pack (also found at Walmart…I’ll try to convince him how great Greek yogurt is when we are married. Ha!). And he says those are great too. Basically, we’ve said cheers a few time with these yogurt drinks while we are in traffic coming back from wedding vendor meetings.
Other times I have found myself grabbing them?
When I have to take the C’s dog, on a walk, as a favor, and because, you know, she’ll be my dog soon…Perfect thing to drink and walk with!
When I am busy working with a deadline and want something healthy but have no time to cook…Even though I work from home, it doesn’t mean I always have more time.
When I’ve already called for an uber or Lyft, but then I realize I’m hungry. So easy to grab!
Also, yes, in the middle of painting my nails, I found myself very hungry and I could open this yogurt drink one handed. #winning
I’m always on the lookout for healthy items that are easy to grab and are also good for me! Use this ibotta rebate to make them even more economical.
Remember, you can find either of these yogurt drinks at Walmart!
I have tried to start this blog post many times. I have struggled. Words are important to me. Part of that has always been true because I’ve always been a writer. Part of that has been made abundantly clear since the 2016 election through today.
Words matter. They matter to me. And they should matter to you.
Words like the “alt-right” are no longer acceptable. I want to hit the “replace all” button for that word. The correct terminology is “white supremacists.”
When we talk about fringe groups, let us be accurate. Men and women who, as a group, believe that one race is superior to others is not a fringe group. This group, with this ideology, has survived and existed throughout history in various forms.
When this group uses a swastika, a symbol for the Nazi movement while also saying awful things about Jewish people, they are called Nazis.
Flexibility has its place. But this is not that place. That is not where we are. There are no “both sides.” Do you believe that one race is superior to the other, specifically the Caucasian race? And furthermore, do you believe that all other races should be eradicated? If so, you are on the wrong side. You are also a white supremacist. You are a Nazi. You are also not part of a fringe group. You are a part of the evil that has gone on for far too long. You are hate incarnate.
My voice is not that big and neither is my platform. But whatever it is, whether I am a writer/blogger, president, pastor, or anyone, silence is unacceptable. Because words are important. Speaking is important. There are two sides. There are not both. There is good and there is evil.
Some of us have had the privilege of either believing that evil like this does not exist or at least not dealing with it directly or on the daily. But let’s stop it. Let’s acknowledge our privilege. Let’s listen to the people of color in our lives because they have dealt with micro and macro aggressions all their lives. Let’s be each other’s neighbors. Let’s be each other’s keepers. Let’s listen. Let’s stand up against the evil.
Let’s speak truth to lies, bring light to darkness. Let’s remember we are all made in God’s image. Let’s remember that we are called to love our neighbor as ourselves.
And let us not allow anyone to do these evil deeds in God’s name, in anyone’s name for that matter.
Was this a perfect post? No. My thoughts are messy because my feelings are messy. It’s like someone scribbled with a permanent marker all over my heart this past weekend. So this is what I have to offer now. I cannot wait anymore in the silence. I had to say something.
I meant to write this awhile ago and I just didn’t (I even wrote a draft in a notebook that now I am completely ditching). But, if you don’t follow me on social media, here’s what’s up: I’m engaged.
The past few months have been filled with peaks and valleys that are just a part of life but all the while my relationship with C has deepened. He is an incredible teammate, kind, patient, and funny. It’s been a few weeks since he proposed and it still feels surreal even though we are in full wedding planning mode.
If you would have asked me if this is where I would be one year ago, I’d have laughed. And I know that C can say the same. The way God knit together our story is so unique. Parts of it are so special that I am keeping them private. At the same time, I want to share our joy and excitement with you all since you have been with me through other seasons of my life too.
We are better together than we are apart which is what makes it so cool. At the same time, I’m very aware of the parts of myself I am stubborn or prideful over. Like all things, God is using this relationship to sanctify both C and I. I’d just say this feels very intense at times. And from what I’ve been told from what married friends, that will only become more intense. I’m more aware of my need for Jesus than ever and we are both keenly aware that our relationship needs Him too. He is, after all, the author of it.
So, some questions you may have…
How did he do it?
I always say I want to be surprised but I also am so impatient that they never work out. So the day it happened, I knew it was coming. But when he told me the plan for the day he talked about going to several places that are important to us and dinner. It made me think he would do it then obviously. Instead, he surprised me as I was getting ready for the day as in if he would have done it two minutes later, I might have been wearing a face mask and there was a podcast blaring as I settled in to “get ready.” So I didn’t imagine I would be in the middle of washing my face with wet hair but it was perfect. He ended up actually proposing in front of a piece of furniture I helped him to make. (He is a woodworker as a hobby and I was his assistant on his project). I cried. He cried. I whispered the word, “Yes,” way more quietly than either of us imagined and then leaped into his arms.
When are you getting married?
March! C is a teacher so to a certain extent we are the mercy of that calendar. Originally, we considered doing it over winter break but the way the holidays fall this year would have made it very difficult for the people we love and would like there so: looks like Spring Break!
How is planning going?
In fits and bursts. A lot of things have (thankfully) fallen into place in a beautiful way. C has been helpful and both of our families have also been supportive. The main stuff is booked and now we just have random things to nail down.
We are also making the conscious choice not to just be planning for a wedding but a marriage. So it means premarital, financial courses, etc. That’s really important to us, building a foundation, and knowing that it doesn’t just happen. But that’s something that is just important to us. Everyone and every relationship is different.
Not yet. I’m waiting to be able to share the day with my mom, who isn’t local. So that will be in a few weeks. I have no idea what I want except that I would like it to be flattering and comfortable.
To be honest, one of the biggest challenges to wedding planning has simply been that I never really thought I would meet the guy and get married. So I never really was that little girl who pictured some things. I had some vague ideas like I would like for it to be in church (Spoiler: it’s not because of my chronic illness we are doing everything in all one place because I want to make it through the day and to my wedding night too! I’ve waited a long time. Ha. So that means cutting down on anything that would expend more energy than necessary and one of those things is travel in the city. What a nightmare.).
But anyway, because I hadn’t dreamt of this day my whole life, only just hoped I would someday be married, I didn’t really know what I liked or wanted. After a lot of talking with C and pinteresting, we definitely have a vision and a vibe.
But as for a dress, I just want to be comfortable in the dress and in my own skin
Where’s the ring?
I’m a little paranoid so I have been really careful about what I post on social media and here too. I did want an engagement ring but I had no idea what I wanted so C suggested I go look. I fell in love with a yellow gold setting but he surprised me with the shape of the center stone and I’m so in love with it. It’s everything I never knew I wanted and I can’t imagine anything else on my hand. Although I am still getting used to having it on my finger and will be for a long time. I feel like I can objectively say it’s beautiful and classic with a twist (which is the perfect mix of me and C to be honest. Ha!)
If you made it this far, you’re kind and sweet. I am so behind in announcing it here but I do want to chronicle the wedding planning process to a certain degree. So…here we go.