Thursday was raining and dreary so I sprinkled some gold paperclips around as any blogger would and improvised the photography situation (for the record, I have not cleaned up the mess. I just pushed it out of frame. Gotta keep it honest). I’m hoping today is brighter but speaking of brighter, yesterday I shared with you a tiny bit of the realizing that it’s time to get serious about my health in order to be my best self. Since I do have a chronic illness and this is serious in how it affects my quality of life, I am trying to simplify things. I have five goals this summer. This is where I am focused. This is how I will filter my days. I may be starting from the bottom again but that’s okay. Because that’s the case, I need to focus on these foundational things.
I also had to be honest with myself about where my health is and what I am capable of right now. Yes, I want to do and be more. And I will. I just have to do these things first in order to be in the place I want to be. These are things I must remind myself. Why is it hardest to give patience to ourselves?
So this summer I am:
+treating food as medicine
This is the biggest one. Talk about square one. Not only do I have to start with these five goals but this goal has to come before the other four because otherwise the other four will not happen. There is no room for “treats” or “cheating.” I have to take a hard line with this because of the situation I am in. This has nothing to do with vanity. My weight has been on a yo-yo my whole life. I plan about writing about this someday. I have lost a lot of weight before. I’ve done it several times. But I have only done it one other time with zero vanity involved and that was after I was diagnosed and found the right doctors. As I write this, I am in terrible pain. I know from experience that I can lower that level of pain by making the right choices with food (specifically outlined by a doctor).
+spending time with God in the mornings
Love God. Love others. Sometimes we complicate Jesus’ most important mandate. Spending time with him in the morning settles me and centers me on what is important as I go about my day and in my relationships. Life is better when I do this–and it has nothing to do with my circumstances. I think this also goes hand in hand with the work I have to do this summer with my health. I can only do it through God’s strength. And even as I do the things I can control, there is so much I can’t control with my particular illness and that is okay. Pain is an everyday reality and His power is made perfect in my weakness. He gets me through.
+prioritizing my health one day at a time
Besides food, there are other steps I have to take to improve my situation. A part of me as scared because it feels like I am taking steps backwards, doing things and seeing doctors that I did and saw post-seizure when we had no clue why my health was failing. It feels like I am taking steps backwards but then I am just humbled. This is where I am at. There is no way around it. So I will take it step by step and day by day. I can’t make a list of everything I need to accomplish in this area this summer because I would drown. I just can’t do it that way right now.
+purging one third of my possessions
This was the year where all of my things (and I mean everything from baby clothes to diplomas) was given to me to take care of and store and organize. Guess what? A person accumulates some stuff in 27 years. Especially when for most of that time I wasn’t the one doing the collecting (like…I did not decide to keep my baby clothes). The fact is, I have no room for all the stuff I have. I live in a studio apartment. I have been every size from 0-16. I am not joking. Like I said, I will be writing about it at some point. The amount of clothing I own is obscene simply because of my weight fluctuating. Also, I am not going to lie: as I have moved, I have just kept stuff that I don’t need to keep. Goodbye stuff. I need to be one third less and lighter in this area. Period. It’s time. Bye, Girl.
+growing emotionally through Project Vulnerability
It’s also been dubbed Project Nina by a friend. I still am on a quest to be more open as I have talked about here. I won’t lie to you. My health is going to come ahead of this but it’s still something I want to make a conscious effort with since I have learned a lot lately and realized stuff I need to work on. I don’t want to let go of that. I want to continue to grow. I want to continue to learn. I want to open up. It’s been an area that God has been teaching me and I want to be faithful in that.
So there’s that. I had to get serious with myself. Do you ever do anything like this? Am I crazy that I need to write things down?
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