Single Ladies. (But marrieds please read.)

lifebetterAround the internet and also in real life, there always seems to be this chatter–a grass is greener mentality. As humans, this grass is greener mentality isn’t new but it keeps coming back to singleness vs. marriage. I hate that I even have to write the word versus between the two of those things.

Basically, I have heard and read some version of this again and again:

“Isn’t life so much better with a husband?”

In my opinion, it’s a way of thinking that needs to be addressed.

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But before I do that, I need to tell you my heart behind this. It is not to call anyone out. It is to bring this sisterhood of blogging (so amazing!) even closer together. I read blogs written by women who are married without children and married with children (and those things should be celebrated). I also read blogs, like mine, where the blogger is single (and those bloggers should be celebrated and supported too). My heart behind this post is to encourage all of us…because “we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28, ESV). 

I don’t blame people who speak or write the way which inspired this post. Instead, I want to point out something I mentioned awhile ago (The Truth About Adventures). One of my tips is: never belittle a coadventurer.

I was able to go to San Francisco and learn so much about myself and the world and the Lord. Meanwhile, my friend mothered three children and I guarantee she learned so much about herself, the world, and the Lord as well.

Is her adventure less than mine? No. Is it more? No. 

We are all on unique and crazy adventures. Would my current adventure be better with a husband? No.

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The only ring I currently wear is from my grandparents.

Because God has a plan. He is sovereign. And I’m not married right now. Do I want to be married? Yes. I really do. But let me just tell you, if I believed the lie: life is better with a husband, I would be making an idol of marriage. Not only that but how would I be able to enjoy where God has me now? How could I enjoy this adventure?

I choose to believe that God’s best for me is in this moment. I choose to believe that on this very day, today, I am not missing out and God is not holding out on me. I choose to believe that God wants the best for me, always.

Of course I long to meet the man God has for me. But for now, it does no good and it would be wrong to think life will be better when I have a husband. Having a husband doesn’t protect against tragedy or hardship. And can I just tell you, from what I’ve been told, even when you are married to your best friend, marriage is hard. It is worthy work but it is hard work.

Right now, I am single. And my life is not worse or less because of it.

In my experience, any statement that includes words like life is better with/when blank leads to trouble. Life is better with Jesus. Period. That has to be our standard. Or we are doomed to disappointment and heartache and eventual emptiness.

And I’ll still read the love/wedding stories on the blogs I love because I love those bloggers and I love their stories. My singleness is not something to be defensive over. I like reading stories about all kinds of women in all kinds of stages of life because it all comes back to this: we are all on our own adventures and we should never belittle a coadventurer or her adventure itself. I love reading how God is at work in everyone’s life–married or single. And when God is at work, no one gets the worse or the better end of the stick.

Thoughts? I’m seriously interested.

Love,

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P.S. Don’t forget the raffle!! It’s called The Fullness of Joy Giveaway. How apt for this post. Let’s live in the fullness of joy where we are now. 

“Give Me Jesus” Journal |  Gretchen Saffles of Life Lived Beautifully.
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47 thoughts on “Single Ladies. (But marrieds please read.)

  1. Heather B

    Boom! Love this and love you and your heart. I feel like I’ve said this before, but who couldn’t use a reminder? So well put, my friend!

    Heather | Port City Prescription

  2. Robyn B

    Nina! this is such a great post and filled with so much truth! God has every single person on a unique path, with different timing and different situations – but all of those paths come from God and they are all good! marriage definitely does not define a person, and neither does singleness. what defines us is Christ!

  3. Kristal Strong

    There is beauty in every single day, whether you’re single, married, have children. I’m married with children but by no means think I’m better or worse off in life than somebody who is single. Some of my best friends are single, married with no kids, married with kids. We are meant to do life together, joining together with people in all stages. And when our heart is focused on Him, we will be able to show His love to others no matter their martial status. Keep doing what you’re doing and savoring this sweet time with The Lord!

  4. Rachel

    Hey Nina!!! Have you read the book “Thrive”…seriously…check it out…a lot of reflections about Paul’s reflections about being single…

    1. Nina Post author

      Hey Rachel! I will definitely check that book out! But I hope I didn’t come off as woe as me. I feel like I am thriving in my single years. This is where God has me now and that is exciting to me. This was more about no one belittling another’s adventure.

  5. Rachel

    Amen, sister. As an engaged person those type of statements get to me too. Like you said, statements like “Life is so much better with MY husband” make more sense to me. I have friends who are single, engaged, divorced, married with and without children alike. Everyone is on their own journey that God planned for them.

  6. Sarah

    This really spoke to my heart. I just recently got out of a long-term relationship, and while everyone’s been telling me I have all the time in the world to find someone new (23 isn’t exactly old), it’s been tempting to look at everyone around me getting engaged with disdain. I guess I just have to accept that God wants me single at this point in my life for a reason, and that eventually the right person for me will come along.

    1. Nina Post author

      That’s so hard. I am praying for you. God has a plan for you! I know that sounds trite but it’s true. And its much better than marrying the wrong person. xoxoxoxox

  7. chelsea

    As someone who is married, I think life is so much better with a husband…and I also think life is so much better with a puppy, so much better living in Florida, so much better with a blog…because that’s my life right now. I think everyone should think they have the greatest life in the world, and thinking that doesn’t belittle anyone else’s life. I have best friends who post statuses all the time about how single life is the best life, and I don’t take offense to it at all. I’m married; it would be weird if I DIDN’T think married life was the best life. Now, if I came on here and said, “poor you, you’re not married, your life must be so sad…” that would be a totally different story. But I think there’s a huge difference between the two.

    I know that was a lot of ramble..but bottom line, I think everyone should think their life is the best it’s ever been without worrying that thinking so belittles other people.

    GREAT conversation starter, friend!

    1. Nina Post author

      Chelsea…I totally agree! The statement which kind of started it all insinuated that life in general for everyone is better with a husband. And I agree…thinking your life is great or that you are blessed by no means belittles others. I should have been more clear. You bring up a lot of good points. Your comment reminds me also that we should be super thankful for what we have too. Like I said, I believe this is God’s best for me aka the best. For today, there is no better. But it’s different everyone because God has different plans for everyone, you know? And those plans are the best for each person. Blanket statements in general kind of weird me out. No matter what they refer to. xo

  8. Rebecca Jo

    I love your thoughts on this. I know so many single women who feel like getting a husband would make all the difference. While it does make a difference, only God’s plan makes ALL the difference 🙂

  9. Bri

    I totally agree, If that would have been phrased slightly differently it would be so different! Also – your ring is beautiful!

  10. Rebecca

    I think if I had truly thought life would be better with a husband, I would have married the wrong person. Single-hood is something that should be enjoyed when you are single, learning to love yourself and your independence and then if the right person happens to come along so be it. I’m married now and I cannot imagine life without my husband, but I grew a whole lot and learned a whole lot about myself before we met and I am thankful for that time as well. Every stage in life is something to be cherished.

    1. Nina Post author

      I would have married the wrong person too! I might be married now but I would be so unhappy! You make such a good point.

  11. Laura

    There are pros and cons to married life vs. single life. As a married gal with a baby on the way I often find myself pining over the things I can no longer do. Grass is always greener on the other side right?! As long as we enjoy the ride that’s really all that matters!

  12. Shenine joon

    I really enjoyed reading this post. I’m a “single” blogger, I have a BF but we are not married so I still check the single box on government forms. Sometimes, I almost feel “less than” since I’m not married nor do I have kids and a lot of my blogging buddies are or do. It’s hard but I agree that we should all support eachother no matter what stage of life we are in. Good post and thanks for writing it for us 🙂

    1. Nina Post author

      I really want to pick your brain and also I am going to write a follow up post to this one. Sometimes I feel less than too. Do you think it is coming from our own insecurity? Or society? Or both? Hmm. Things to ponder before the next time I discuss this. Feel free to email me!

  13. Carly Blogs Here

    I think you bring up so many good points in this post! I love being married, but I think it’s important that it doesn’t become my only identity or topic of conversation. People should be celebrated & appreciated for all things in their life. For me the bigger issue is when people make comments or imply that something is wrong with someone because they don’t have something and they do (be it a husband, a child, a new car, a job, etc.).

    1. Nina Post author

      You bring up such a good point. Married or single, our identity is found in God. You are so right. This issue is not just about marriage.

  14. Karen

    Very well said. So confident, so secure, so close to Jesus. As an unmarried person for as long as I was, I wish I had Jesus in my life. But I know now I needed to go through those growing pains too. I’m so glad you are able to help others through this blog in so many ways!

  15. Katie Elizabeth

    I have a close friend that is really struggling with being single right now and it makes me so sad. Instead of enjoying where her life is right now, she’s so wrapped in how she thinks it “should” be. I’m glad that you are soaking up this time in your life and trusting in God’s plan for you!

    1. Nina Post author

      I’m probably going to write a follow up that addresses that because I got a lot of similar messages. Love!

  16. mary

    I love this post! It is so true that we always think life is greener on the other side. But God has plans for us, for hope and a future & His plan is always better than ours. Thanks for sharing this Nina! I’d love to win this giveaway also, I love the She Reads Truth material.

  17. Kelli B

    Yes yes yes, Nina! I love this post! 🙂 We have such similar hearts! I’ve actually drafted a post kind of about this and plan to write a deeper one too because I have many thoughts on this. I wasn’t always as positive as you about being single and really had to rely on God. Sometimes I was even mad at God and He would remind me that all I need is HIM. I got married at 30 and wouldn’t change a thing because my relationship with God would be different if it was. Everyone’s story is different. For some it’s to marry when they’re 22 but for me, it was later. And yeah, I love marriage but it is hard (and I’m only 8 months in!) Reading “The Meaning of Marriage” by Tim Keller really changed my perspective on marriage. I read it while I was single and believe it was a turning point for my heart. It really does talk about how marriage isn’t meant to make you “happy”, it’s to glorify God and I think you have such a great foundation for that!

    Love your heart, Nina!

    1. Nina Post author

      I have heard such good things about that book. I love your heart as well and this comment. I will probably write a follow up to this post just because so many people had reactions and questions to it. I am so glad we became blogger friends!!

  18. Jess Elyse

    I’m a recent follower and I just have to say, I’m so glad this post was on my blog reader tonight. You spoke the words that are on my heart perfectly! I have had SO many of these thoughts, especially lately! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Bookmarking and reading always. 🙂

    Jess

    1. Nina Post author

      Jess, your comment made my dad. So sweet. I can’t wait to hear more from you as well!

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  20. B @ The Sequin Notebook

    As a single gal, I can totally relate to this post and have similar feelings when I read those kinds of statements. Yes, it’s sometimes annoying being the only one without a date at a wedding (…again), but I love the freedom of being single and you never know who is walking right around the corner 🙂

  21. catherine gacad

    first of all, i totally love this post. i feel like this could have been me writing this only 6 years ago. secondly, i love your ring!

    when i was single, i loved the single life. i really tried to embrace it and date around and hang out / commiserate with my gay best friend. there were good days and bad days, just like there are being married! with singlehood, i always felt this longing like there was someone out there for me, i just hadn’t found him yet. it made me really anxious and frustrated, but i wish i could have told myself back then that everything happens in due time. and i wish i would have enjoyed my singlehood more and been at peace with it. you seem to be in the perfect frame of mind. my advice is again, to enjoy it. as you said, God’s plan is the right one!

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