This may be very difficult to write or very easy. Let’s hope for easy, okay? Bear with me. I started this blog because I love to write. I believe God put me on this earth to write (among other things). I also happened to have a great story–moving across the country from my family, the only one to ever leave Chicago, to San Francisco. I was exploring a new city, a new life, a new state. Life was a great adventure. In moving, I learned that and I wanted to live that way no matter my address.
Sorry to bury the lead but here is the big news: I’m moving back to Chicago. By the end of May. Yes, you read that correctly.
In July of last year, this happened. I was an Account Executive in Sales. I hit my number every month but I am racehorse (that post explains me very well). I measured my quality of life based on my number. If I had a bad day in sales, it was a bad day and life was bad. My number was my measuring stick when I should have been confident in the fact that I am God’s. He bought me with a price, and because of Jesus, there is no measuring stick. But like I said, when this happened, I stopped handling my stress well, though I continued to hit my number. Perfectionism and Performance…major issues for me, for sure.
By the holidays I was a mess. I felt pulled in a million directions. I was sad. My health was very poor. I left the company on great terms and went home to Chicago to spend a month with my family and with my aunt. One question I kept asking myself was: should I return to SF? By the end of my trip, with a lot of prayer, the answer was yes. You are not finished in San Francisco.
I proceeded to go through a huge personal growth spurt. February was spent with a lot of visitors and in March I started the job search on my own. You see, I’ve always known that God means for me to be a writer–in some capacity. I looked for marketing roles, editorial roles, Social Media roles, Community Leader roles. The timing and the fit was never right so I went to a recruiter. They sent me to the sales recruiter and she had eight jobs to send my resume in for right away. And let’s be honest, in order to afford rent in this city, Sales was the way to go. So I just went with it.via
Each of the companies had about four to five rounds which required me to act out everything from Shark Tank to presenting myself as a yoga studio to a software company (I know). It was exhausting and draining. This week I was in the final rounds for all of them. It should have been exciting. But I kept asking myself: “What am I doing?” The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over again and expecting a different result. Did I want to be in Sales? I am an achiever by nature so put a challenge in front of me and I will go after it and get it. Even if my gut is saying….what are you doing?
I went home for Easter–to Chicago–prepared to soak up time with my family. In a few short days, some things clicked into place. It was no longer a question of SF or Chicago. God gave me an answer and in the meantime, in the waiting, a second wasn’t wasted as I trusted Him in the process.
I’ll be honest…Suddenly a lot of things started to happen (I’m going to keep some things private) which made it clear that I had to start praying about what and why I was in SF. Let’s just say through a series of things, God made it clear that I need to go back to Chicago, to start another adventure. I need to go back and I want to go back. Chicago vs. San Francisco has been a question I have been asking since the holidays but up until very recently and with some things changing, I didn’t have any clarity. This past weekend, when I was in Chicago, clarity hit me like a ton of bricks. Clarity feels so good.via
I have to laugh because obviously before this post, I let friends and family know. My favorite response was from a friend: Congrats on the life epiphany, from someone who has also tried and failed to sell out. Please know that my friend is a great writer but she was in a different field other than Sales. Sales does not equal selling out! Selling out equals doing something you know is wrong for you, even if you are good at it, even if it is lucrative.
I won’t lie: I will miss San Francisco a lot. I learned so many things about myself here. I learned how to depend on the Lord for every need and how to be independent. I also fell in love with California. I met some great people. In that sense, there is a bit of loss. I reread some of my entries and found myself profoundly nostalgic: California is Always a Good Idea, The Truth about Adventures, San Francisco Details, If it’s the Beaches, Happy Trails to You, #IheartSF, Until the Sun Comes up Over Santa Monica Boulevard, California Christmas, One, The Legacy of Adventures, You aren’t any Part a Little Girl anymore, How to Move Across the Country, The Truth about Adventures: Mortification, Who’s Got it Better than us?, I need a Bed, and I probably Still Heart SF.
I don’t regret my time in San Francisco. In fact, I feel the farthest thing from regret. I don’t feel like I am giving up either. Instead, I feel like my time here, right now, is at a close and I want to finish well.
But knowing I am supposed to be in Chicago makes me feel confident. As soon as I decided to trust this new plan, I felt such relief…as if I was releasing a huge breath I’d been holding for months. I love Chicago and always have (the weather, however…). I’m excited for what is to come. Since middle school, I have wanted to live in the city proper and now, I am trusting God that I will be soon. (In the meantime, I will be staying with family in the ‘burbs.)This is a map on my Gallery Wall in SF.
I’ll be back in Chicago by the end of May. Hard to comprehend. Hard to imagine. I’ve already started making the biggest to do list of my life. This will be a much different move than the first one to San Francisco because that happened in stages and my parents helped a lot. We basically organized everything beforehand and I would tell my mom or my dad, “Please send me a, b, c…” This one will be all me and I am not exactly known for my packing skills nor my organizations skills. But honestly, I can say I am not overwhelmed. I feel invigorated because I know and trust this is right. I attacked packing and purging yesterday with gusto. Sure, it’s like using a pick on an iceberg but still…Yesterday I accomplished more than I have in a long time and today looks like it should be the same. Only the Beginning of the to do list. I took the photograph before it was in its current state which is four pages. And counting.
So now that I’ve filled you in, I need your help. Any packing tips? Do you know anyone or know someone who knows someone who knows a business or company where you could refer me for a creative role, a marketing role, a writing role, an editorial role, etc in Chicago? I am the hardest worker and I don’t mind proving myself. Like I said, I love a challenge.
Will you pray for me? Will you pass on packing tips? And will you also help me find a job in Chicago?
Love you dearly,